A Curse

May your every train journey
be marred by penetrating voices,
"We’re just going into a tunnel."

Diddle eee -dee; diddle eee-dee, diddle-eee-dee-dee


May your annual theatre trip
be ruined by a jangling tune
which no-one dares acknowledge

Diddle eee -dee; diddle eee-dee, diddle-eee-dee-dee


May the best sex of your life
be interruptus at the climax
by that insistent refrain

Diddle eee -dee; diddle eee-dee, diddle-eee-dee-dee


May your son’s only ever solo part
be drowned out by those rising notes
and scrabbling for handbags

Diddle eee -dee; diddle eee-dee, diddle-eee-dee-dee


May your once-in-a-lifetime
sunset at the Taj Mahal
be stained by mindless ringing

Diddle eee -dee; diddle eee-dee, diddle-eee-dee-dee


May your funeral be punctuated
by jolly, electronic jingles
ushering you to cellular hell

Diddle eee -dee; diddle eee-dee, diddle-eee-dee-dee